Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
