Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
