I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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