I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
