It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
