margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
