I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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