My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
