i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
