i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Drunk is not a location!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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