her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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