i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
