He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
