I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
