My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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