cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
