How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
