Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
This house was built for laser tag.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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