but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
