I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
