so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
