We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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