i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
