she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
