He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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