Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
