Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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