just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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