im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize