We won't sleep together?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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