So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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