please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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