I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
