I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
