rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
