I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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