idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
