I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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