My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize