just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
