you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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