just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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