dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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