96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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