Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
