I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
