"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
