I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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