I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
