If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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