I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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