Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
