i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
