I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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