Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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