i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Randomize
