My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize