was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
