from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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