hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
