the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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