there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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