I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Randomize
