I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
