the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
