well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
