That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
