I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
