it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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