no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
