i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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