i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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