just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
