um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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