Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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